Let's Get Something Straight

Bear Lake, Utah

I read an article about how one Korean Adoptee doesn't like to be referred to as a Korean Adoptee. She stated that she didn't want an action that she had no control over define her. How simple a statement but also a powerful one.

Up until recently I have been complacent in learning about my heritage. Growing up I knew I was adopted. My brothers and sisters were too so it wasn't anything new. I have never known anything other than my family. I like my family. Only in my heart I knew there has always been a part of me that is curious what my life would have been like if I had remained in Korea but for the most part I was grateful to be given a better chance at life. 

With the internet there is so much I can do to learn about where I came from. But the more I learn the more out of place I feel. 

I'm stuck in between two worlds. Not really Korean and not fully American. Kids in school used to tease me about my eyes. "How can you see if your eyes are so slanted?" "Chinese idiot, Chinese idiot". They would pull at the corner of their eyes as they would taunt me and laugh. 

Children can be cruel. How sad is it that in a country known to be "The Melting Pot" a lot of kids were not taught that differences in all of us aren't something to be afraid of or hated? No wonder I have blocked a lot of that out of my memory. Bits and pieces come back at me like waves on the sand of a deserted beach. At times I wonder where my peers are that said and did horrible things. Did they understand they left a lasting impression on me? Did they know that their carelessness has caused so much anguish? Not to mention all that leading to social anxiety? 

Let's get something straight. I have come to terms with this. I know who I am. I know that I am a daughter of our Heavenly Father who loves everyone of us no matter what we look like, the color of our skin, the shape of our eyes or even what mean things we may have said to someone or about someone. He knows us and He loves us. I am not perfect and I am not blameless. I have done things or said things that I'm not proud of but I am not ashamed of who I am. I stand up for myself and what I believe in. 

Please be more aware of how you treat someone. They may be going through a tough situation that you know nothing about. If you have followed me for some time you know that I have been through hell and back. I haven't even told you about the half of it. I have never written about my adoption before. Mostly about my weight loss. Let me tell you, I had to move mountains before I had made the decision to be strong and change my life around. I hope through my journey you will find strength like I have found it in places that I needed. Just do your best. 

Love,
Jen

                   October 2012                                                     August 2014