Motherhood is something I had never really thought of when I was younger. Even playing with dolls or playing house I had never really envisioned myself as a mom. Sure I knew that one day I would get married and we would have babies but it wasn't something I daydreamed about. I was far too busy reading any book I could get my hands on to care about future children.
After Austin and I had gotten married the concept of babies seemed no more real than winning the lottery so I didn't think about it. I had been adopted and so had all my brothers and sisters so I had never seen my mom swell with pregnancy or even seen a pregnant woman up close. In short babies were cute but I didn't want one... yet.
Fast forward a few years. It hit me one day that I had been thinking about babies. I wanted one but I wasn't sure how to talk to Austin about it. We went to the temple and I prayed. While we were there it felt different than any other time I had been to a session. I knew that it was time to start thinking about a little one. Luckily for me Austin felt the same way. Go figure.
Fast forward a year. It had been about a year since we had started to try and on February 3rd, 2012 one little pink line changed our lives forever. Ethan will be four months old on Tuesday. I have been putting off writing his birth story because I have been recovering and then forget. Pregnant brain doesn't go away after you give birth. I have felt so much more alive these past few months. Ethan is my joy. He is my happiness. How could someone so tiny mean so much to me? Everything he does makes me smile. Everything he does is cute. Everything he does is a miracle. My little angel baby.
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