Twenty Nine Years

Tomorrow is my birthday.

Twenty nine years ago tomorrow is the day my birth mom brought me into this world knowing she would make the choice to give me away. Was that hard for her? Did she spend time with me after I was born? I like to think she might have held me close and studied my face before kissing me good bye and wishing me a happy life.

I know I was given to the adoption agency the day I was born.

Korean culture is very different than American culture. I am just beginning to learn about the many babies that are put up for adoption or left on the streets to die because it is shameful for woman to be single mothers. I am forever grateful she didn't do the alternative. The past years I have started to wonder about her. After having my two babies I couldn't imagine being in a situation where I thought the best for them is for someone else to raise them or not being able to keep the babies and being forced to leave them somewhere and go on with my life.

Breaks my heart.

I have so many questions.

About my birth mother, my birth father, their life and families.

Who's eyes do I have? Hair? Nose? Fingers and toes? Do their smiles have dimples like mine? Where did I get the tall gene from? Do they want to know about my life? About me? Who I have become?

Do they think about me especially around my birthday? Will I ever find them or will they find me?

I am ready for this journey to start. To put the missing pieces back together of who I am and where I came from. There has always been a dull ache in my heart. Every year it gets stronger and it is pulling me to discover more about my heritage, my culture and about my adoption.

I am proud of who I am. I hope my birth mother and father would be too.

Happy birthday to me.