My Story Pt. 1

I love eating out. There is something about going to a restaurant, ordering food and having it delivered to me that screams "Special Occasion!!" and I love that.

Growing up I was taught to cook for myself. Fast food or even restaurant visits were a privilege and wasn't something my family did very much. So when Austin and I met we would go out all the time. I was young and never had to worry about what I ate because let's face it when you're young and skinny nothing really mattered so who cares?

As time went by I got used to eating huge portions of greasy, rich, fried foods and gallons of soda. I would buy Pepsi by the case and go through it so fast my stock wouldn't last more than a few days. I didn't know about calories or fat content. I thought pizza was healthy because it technically had foods from all sections of the food pyramid. I gained quite a bit a weight after I got married. Thought it was happy fat and I didn't worry too much. But I started to feel self conscience, depressed and unhappy.

I thought how I felt was normal. Nope. It's not.

My unhealthy eating habits went on until I got pregnant. Then I went from crappy diet choices to really bad diet choices. My weight had steadily been rising and now it was skyrocketing. I would totally justify it.

"The baby needs it", "I'm so hungry! Ya give me a whole Cafe Rio Salad and a chocolate cake!", "It'll come off when I nurse", "Do I want heartburn? No I'll eat two breakfast burritos", "I deserve and extra large combo with all the extras", "I might as well I'm already chubby".

Well I didn't know it would happen but I got sick. Preeclampsia. I had a painful and difficult delivery and even worse recovery. I went on anti depressants for a few days and that was my rock bottom. I felt too heavy to take care of my baby. When Austin went back to work I used my weight as a crutch to feel sorry for myself. Plain and simple I did that to myself and I had to take responsibility. At that time I was living off caffeine and eating lots of junk. Did it make me happy? No.

So I changed. In January 2013 I started working out at home. Did half hour of something (P90X or Youtube) every few days. Only what I could handle. I stopped drinking soda and drowned my stomach in water. I made small tweaks to the food I ate. Whole wheat instead of white. Fresh fruit instead of chips. Reminded myself my stomach is only as big as my fist and watched my portions.

Slowly I could feel the depression disappear. I started to need that high. The sweat and the rush after. That was the beginning.