Whoa where'd that belly come from?

I am incredibly blessed! This pregnancy seems to be flying by and I couldn't be more in love with my little family. 

Tomorrow will be my 26th week. I think that means I'm 6 1/2 months along. I have my 27 week doctor appointment next week with the dreaded glucose test. With Ethan's pregnancy I failed the first test and had to do the three hour test but passed. It was very uncomfortable and made me sick but I feel so much healthier overall I don't think I'll have an issue. 

I haven't written as much as I hoped with this pregnancy but I am more focusing on enjoying it. Here's a little bit of how this pregnancy is going. We have chosen a name. Oliver (Ollie for short)! Right now he should weigh around 2 pounds and about 14 inches long. His eyes that have been fused shut should start to open this week and he can sense bright light. He can also hear and has been able to for a few weeks. We have been talking to him and like to think he knows mommy and daddy's voices. 

He seems to be more active when I'm settling down for th bed and when I'm waking up with the morning. Sometime I can feel him squirm around during the middle of the night. Unless I'm relaxing he is pretty quiet during the day. 

My belly button has popped a few weeks ago and it seems like I am all belly this pregnancy. Haven't had too much swelling but I can feel it start when I don't drink as much water as I need to. I can tell my hips are stretching but I don't feel like I've gained much weight like I did with Ethan. 

I'm not stressed too much about my diet but I am trying to eat better foods when I can and indulging in cravings here and there. My fitness goal is to work out hard and clean up my diet after the six weeks of recovery and to lean up and be back in my size 8 jeans by March of 2016. I know I can do! 

And I'm back!!!

To say I have neglected my blog the past 6 months would be an understatement but I am pregnant so I  am allowed to have a few things slip right?

For all my readers (whoever you are <3 28="" a="" am="" an="" and="" anymore="" average="" awkward="" be="" being="" blog="" but="" can="" constantly="" crazy="" figuring="" finding="" for="" get="" grateful="" happy="" having="" i="" is="" it="" join="" journal="" journey.="" just="" keep="" know="" life="" love="" makes="" me="" my="" nbsp="" of="" old="" on="" out="" p="" reasons="" record="" resonate="" ride.="" save="" see="" so="" someone.="" still="" t="" that="" the="" things="" this="" through="" to="" visited="" want="" went="" what="" with="" words="" year="" you.="" you="">
The last time I posted I had been dealing with the emotional trauma of my body miscarrying our second pregnancy. Those were hard words to write but ultimately I believe they helped so much to my healing. After friends and family read those I had so many women tell me they went through the same thing- even multiple miscarriages! I was overwhelmed by the response and support I got. So if you reached out to me please know that you helped this girl and I can smile today because you touched my life in a difficult time.

What you all don't know is about two weeks after my miscarriage my body decided it was ready for another baby!

That's right everyone I am PREGNANT!!!

Of course I am now well past the danger zone and finally able to relax knowing the likelihood of that happening again is minimal. I know other things could happen but I choose not to worry. Because stress is bad for baby and who wants that?

I wanted to record a little about what this pregnancy has been like so far:

Due Date is July 17th 2015
I am 23 weeks and 2 days pregnant
I gained about 10 pounds with the miscarriage and depression (started out 175)
With this pregnancy I have gained 21 pounds so far making me 206- but I don't want to focus on the number. This is purely for comparison with my first pregnancy

The first 2 1/2 months I was so sick and tired that I couldn't even function and started feeling like my self by the end of January
All I wanted to eat was things I didn't cook- made my eating healthy hard
Three weeks ago I started cutting out things that weren't so good for me
First week in December I had a bleeding scare and thought we were miscarrying again. Turns out I pushed it too hard at the gym that morning (I was scared of how much weight I had put on already so I didn't want to get too big) went to the doctor and everything was ok
Two weeks ago I started working out again.
I want to work out 5 days a week for the rest of my pregnancy and I am hoping that will help with the baby blues after baby is here. I also want to see how it helps me recover.

Also baby is a BOY! Ethan is going to have a little brother and we are thrilled! Especially daddy. Speaking of which I don't normally show my affection for Austin publicly a lot but I am so grateful he chose me. Through this whole thing he just amazes me how supportive he has been and how much he can do to take care of our family. You have my heart forever baby.

Alright everyone I will try to keep this up and going. Please let me know what you think. I love feedback. Have a wonderful start to your week!

Love,
Jennifer 

Focus on the Good

My biggest struggle is to be positive, look for the good in everything and to be content. I stress and worry and fret about things that I can't control because oh I don't know I'm a woman? 

One month ago I found out about my miscarriage. One month of pain, heartache and sadness. 

It's been difficult to go through each day with a smile on my face and happiness in my heart but I am snapping myself out of it. 

I will focus on the good 🌈 

I have just recently had a few friends contact me about living healthier and starting their weight loss journey. I was so deep in my struggle that I didn't realize I was inspiring others. Thank you for contacting me friends. You have helped me feel worthy of being happy and helping others. I am not perfect but I am always trying. 

Homemade Fish Tacos

A few days ago I posted on Instagram and Facebook a picture of two very delish fish tacos that I threw together for dinner. My biggest struggle is trying not to eat out every night. It's so nice to have someone make food for you then not have to clean up after. Every mommy's dream right?

This is where I based my idea from:
http://hostthetoast.com/blackened-fish-tacos-avocado-cilantro-sauce/

For the fish:
I am a lazy cook and if there are too many directions I will find another way to make it. Also if I don't have the ingredients I improvise. The fish I used was frozen wild caught cod from Smith's grocery. I find their fish is the best price for me and convenient. When I look for fish I never buy farm raised. Always try to get wild because that's where most of the benefits are. This is how I modified the recipe.

Take fish and coat in flour, then milk and then breading. I used Italian bread crumbs and it tasted so good. Next time I will add some salt. You can use what you like.

Then bake in oven at 425 F* for 19 min or until fish is cooked and crust is crisp.

For the slaw:
I used a coleslaw bag from the produce section at the grocery store. You can buy cabbage and shred it yourself but I am all about shortcuts so I did it my way. Roughly chop up cilantro (what the recipe calls for or to taste) and add lime juice.

For the sauce:
http://www.thegardengrazer.com/2013/04/creamy-cilantro-lime-dressing.html
I used this recipe because the avocado I bought went bad so again I improvised. Instead of sour cream I used plain greek yogurt from Chobani. I love that brand because it's all natural and no nasty additives.

Arrange corn tortilla, fish, slaw and drizzle sauce over top. We ate these with chips and salsa. So yummy! 

Enjoy,

💋jen

It's been two weeks...

When things are hard and when you suffer you never know what exactly will pull you back from the depths of pain that threaten to swallow you up.

Day by day the shattered pieces of my heart are put back together 💔 it's been two weeks since my miscarriage and thanks to the support from the angels in my life I am feeling almost normal and happy! 

Special thanks to my dear friends and family who reached out and brought meals, flowers and gifts and just spent time with me. Also the ones who sent sweet messages of comfort and support. You will never know how it helped heal my spirit. I love you all ❤️!!!

A special thanks to my sweetheart Austin you were my strength when I needed you the most. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 😘. 

 

Sorting it all out

October 10, 2014

I am still coming to terms with everything that's happened in the past few days. 

A week ago I was unmeasurabley happy with being pregnant. 

Saturday I was concerned. 

Sunday I was terrified. 

Monday I was heartbroken. 

In the quiet moments where I have my thoughts to myself that's where it's hard. My emotions bubble up and threatened to consume me with unending sadness. I can't let myself drown in my sorrow. I have Ethan to take care of. I want to show Austin I'm strong. I am strong. 

I am not bitter because this happened. I am more me because this happened. I feel more and are deeper and caring because this happened. So many of my friends have supported me because they know how I feel and I just hope I can be support for someone dear to me in the future. 

I feel the lose of my baby. I wonder if their heart even beat strong inside me. I wonder if they ever felt of my love. 

So this is goodbye for now

October 8, 2014

My dear sweet baby,

My heart aches as I am writing this to you and for you. Even before we knew we were pregnant I loved you. I worried about you and I hoped everything would be ok. 

Saturday night I started bleeding. Sunday morning it got worse. Sunday afternoon and night it was bad. Monday morning I was cramping and bleeding so much. It was so scary and I knew that you were gone.

We made it to the doctors office a little early Monday morning. I am never early so I knew it was a big deal. I was strangely calm as I waited for your daddy to meet us and as I helped your big brother play with his toy cars. We got into the ultra sound office with the tech and she had a hard time finding you. Finally she found your embryonic sac. There was nothing inside. She didn't say anything but I knew. 

The tech left in a hurry to get the Doctor and they came back both looking very concerned. They said they are sorry. At that moment it was like all the calm I felt earlier shattered and pain shot through me in every direction. I couldn't hold it in and I broke down. They gave me hugs that truly meant a lot. We decided to have an operation to get the rest of the tissue out. 

All this time I knew. I knew there was something wrong. 

I came back to the hospital for the surgery a few hours later and the nurses and the anesthesiologist rushed right in and took care of me. I fell asleep and when I woke up I knew you were really gone. They wheeled me back to your daddy who was waiting anxiously. I was so sleepy but I could hear the nurse talk to him and tell him how to take care of me. 

He is such a loving man. You would have loved him. It's been a few days since and I cannot let another day go by with out saying goodbye. For now. I look forward to the day when I can hold you in my arms. When I can look into your face and see whose eyes you have. What color your hair is. My heart is broken because I won't get to see you in this life but in the next your daddy says I will. 

Just know I love you with all my heart. You always have a piece of it where ever you are. 

Love forever,

Mommy