When the heart breaks...

There have been many times where I would say my heart has been broken. Beyond repair even. Everytime it has healed. I put myself back together and have been stronger, more compassionate and understanding. But it has never been broken like this.

It has been 24 days since Austin and I found out we were expecting. 

It has also been 8 days since we found out we wouldn't be holding that baby in our arms. 

I miscarried.

I had no idea what was going on but the week before I felt intense cramps. Like what you would feel during Braxton hicks. After a call to the doctors office they told me if there was no bleeding then I was mostly dehydrated. So I drank water and they went away the next day. 

Then the bleeding started. I kept a journal to baby #2 and this is what I wrote when I first realized there was something wrong. 

October 5, 2014

A little scared... 

This weeked was one I was looking forward to. It was General Conference weekend where we listen to words of our prophet and apostles. Unfortunately my mind was on you. 

Last night I started to have pink discharge and it has darkened to red like a period flow. It's scared me. I am resting and sleeping as much as I can today. Tomorrow morning I will call the doctor and go in to make sure you are healthy and growing as you should. It's so hard not to think of what could be going wrong.

This isn't a happy post but one I needed to write. I love you little baby no matter what happens. We will wait until tomorrow to see what happens. 

Love always,

Mommy

I have thought long and hard about sharing this part of my life. I don't want pity but I want to share this very personal story to help others who may be going through the same thing. There will be more posts about this experience. Please be respectful.