Focus on the Good

My biggest struggle is to be positive, look for the good in everything and to be content. I stress and worry and fret about things that I can't control because oh I don't know I'm a woman? 

One month ago I found out about my miscarriage. One month of pain, heartache and sadness. 

It's been difficult to go through each day with a smile on my face and happiness in my heart but I am snapping myself out of it. 

I will focus on the good 🌈 

I have just recently had a few friends contact me about living healthier and starting their weight loss journey. I was so deep in my struggle that I didn't realize I was inspiring others. Thank you for contacting me friends. You have helped me feel worthy of being happy and helping others. I am not perfect but I am always trying. 

Homemade Fish Tacos

A few days ago I posted on Instagram and Facebook a picture of two very delish fish tacos that I threw together for dinner. My biggest struggle is trying not to eat out every night. It's so nice to have someone make food for you then not have to clean up after. Every mommy's dream right?

This is where I based my idea from:
http://hostthetoast.com/blackened-fish-tacos-avocado-cilantro-sauce/

For the fish:
I am a lazy cook and if there are too many directions I will find another way to make it. Also if I don't have the ingredients I improvise. The fish I used was frozen wild caught cod from Smith's grocery. I find their fish is the best price for me and convenient. When I look for fish I never buy farm raised. Always try to get wild because that's where most of the benefits are. This is how I modified the recipe.

Take fish and coat in flour, then milk and then breading. I used Italian bread crumbs and it tasted so good. Next time I will add some salt. You can use what you like.

Then bake in oven at 425 F* for 19 min or until fish is cooked and crust is crisp.

For the slaw:
I used a coleslaw bag from the produce section at the grocery store. You can buy cabbage and shred it yourself but I am all about shortcuts so I did it my way. Roughly chop up cilantro (what the recipe calls for or to taste) and add lime juice.

For the sauce:
http://www.thegardengrazer.com/2013/04/creamy-cilantro-lime-dressing.html
I used this recipe because the avocado I bought went bad so again I improvised. Instead of sour cream I used plain greek yogurt from Chobani. I love that brand because it's all natural and no nasty additives.

Arrange corn tortilla, fish, slaw and drizzle sauce over top. We ate these with chips and salsa. So yummy! 

Enjoy,

💋jen

It's been two weeks...

When things are hard and when you suffer you never know what exactly will pull you back from the depths of pain that threaten to swallow you up.

Day by day the shattered pieces of my heart are put back together 💔 it's been two weeks since my miscarriage and thanks to the support from the angels in my life I am feeling almost normal and happy! 

Special thanks to my dear friends and family who reached out and brought meals, flowers and gifts and just spent time with me. Also the ones who sent sweet messages of comfort and support. You will never know how it helped heal my spirit. I love you all ❤️!!!

A special thanks to my sweetheart Austin you were my strength when I needed you the most. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 😘. 

 

Sorting it all out

October 10, 2014

I am still coming to terms with everything that's happened in the past few days. 

A week ago I was unmeasurabley happy with being pregnant. 

Saturday I was concerned. 

Sunday I was terrified. 

Monday I was heartbroken. 

In the quiet moments where I have my thoughts to myself that's where it's hard. My emotions bubble up and threatened to consume me with unending sadness. I can't let myself drown in my sorrow. I have Ethan to take care of. I want to show Austin I'm strong. I am strong. 

I am not bitter because this happened. I am more me because this happened. I feel more and are deeper and caring because this happened. So many of my friends have supported me because they know how I feel and I just hope I can be support for someone dear to me in the future. 

I feel the lose of my baby. I wonder if their heart even beat strong inside me. I wonder if they ever felt of my love. 

So this is goodbye for now

October 8, 2014

My dear sweet baby,

My heart aches as I am writing this to you and for you. Even before we knew we were pregnant I loved you. I worried about you and I hoped everything would be ok. 

Saturday night I started bleeding. Sunday morning it got worse. Sunday afternoon and night it was bad. Monday morning I was cramping and bleeding so much. It was so scary and I knew that you were gone.

We made it to the doctors office a little early Monday morning. I am never early so I knew it was a big deal. I was strangely calm as I waited for your daddy to meet us and as I helped your big brother play with his toy cars. We got into the ultra sound office with the tech and she had a hard time finding you. Finally she found your embryonic sac. There was nothing inside. She didn't say anything but I knew. 

The tech left in a hurry to get the Doctor and they came back both looking very concerned. They said they are sorry. At that moment it was like all the calm I felt earlier shattered and pain shot through me in every direction. I couldn't hold it in and I broke down. They gave me hugs that truly meant a lot. We decided to have an operation to get the rest of the tissue out. 

All this time I knew. I knew there was something wrong. 

I came back to the hospital for the surgery a few hours later and the nurses and the anesthesiologist rushed right in and took care of me. I fell asleep and when I woke up I knew you were really gone. They wheeled me back to your daddy who was waiting anxiously. I was so sleepy but I could hear the nurse talk to him and tell him how to take care of me. 

He is such a loving man. You would have loved him. It's been a few days since and I cannot let another day go by with out saying goodbye. For now. I look forward to the day when I can hold you in my arms. When I can look into your face and see whose eyes you have. What color your hair is. My heart is broken because I won't get to see you in this life but in the next your daddy says I will. 

Just know I love you with all my heart. You always have a piece of it where ever you are. 

Love forever,

Mommy

When the heart breaks...

There have been many times where I would say my heart has been broken. Beyond repair even. Everytime it has healed. I put myself back together and have been stronger, more compassionate and understanding. But it has never been broken like this.

It has been 24 days since Austin and I found out we were expecting. 

It has also been 8 days since we found out we wouldn't be holding that baby in our arms. 

I miscarried.

I had no idea what was going on but the week before I felt intense cramps. Like what you would feel during Braxton hicks. After a call to the doctors office they told me if there was no bleeding then I was mostly dehydrated. So I drank water and they went away the next day. 

Then the bleeding started. I kept a journal to baby #2 and this is what I wrote when I first realized there was something wrong. 

October 5, 2014

A little scared... 

This weeked was one I was looking forward to. It was General Conference weekend where we listen to words of our prophet and apostles. Unfortunately my mind was on you. 

Last night I started to have pink discharge and it has darkened to red like a period flow. It's scared me. I am resting and sleeping as much as I can today. Tomorrow morning I will call the doctor and go in to make sure you are healthy and growing as you should. It's so hard not to think of what could be going wrong.

This isn't a happy post but one I needed to write. I love you little baby no matter what happens. We will wait until tomorrow to see what happens. 

Love always,

Mommy

I have thought long and hard about sharing this part of my life. I don't want pity but I want to share this very personal story to help others who may be going through the same thing. There will be more posts about this experience. Please be respectful. 

Let's Get Something Straight

Bear Lake, Utah

I read an article about how one Korean Adoptee doesn't like to be referred to as a Korean Adoptee. She stated that she didn't want an action that she had no control over define her. How simple a statement but also a powerful one.

Up until recently I have been complacent in learning about my heritage. Growing up I knew I was adopted. My brothers and sisters were too so it wasn't anything new. I have never known anything other than my family. I like my family. Only in my heart I knew there has always been a part of me that is curious what my life would have been like if I had remained in Korea but for the most part I was grateful to be given a better chance at life. 

With the internet there is so much I can do to learn about where I came from. But the more I learn the more out of place I feel. 

I'm stuck in between two worlds. Not really Korean and not fully American. Kids in school used to tease me about my eyes. "How can you see if your eyes are so slanted?" "Chinese idiot, Chinese idiot". They would pull at the corner of their eyes as they would taunt me and laugh. 

Children can be cruel. How sad is it that in a country known to be "The Melting Pot" a lot of kids were not taught that differences in all of us aren't something to be afraid of or hated? No wonder I have blocked a lot of that out of my memory. Bits and pieces come back at me like waves on the sand of a deserted beach. At times I wonder where my peers are that said and did horrible things. Did they understand they left a lasting impression on me? Did they know that their carelessness has caused so much anguish? Not to mention all that leading to social anxiety? 

Let's get something straight. I have come to terms with this. I know who I am. I know that I am a daughter of our Heavenly Father who loves everyone of us no matter what we look like, the color of our skin, the shape of our eyes or even what mean things we may have said to someone or about someone. He knows us and He loves us. I am not perfect and I am not blameless. I have done things or said things that I'm not proud of but I am not ashamed of who I am. I stand up for myself and what I believe in. 

Please be more aware of how you treat someone. They may be going through a tough situation that you know nothing about. If you have followed me for some time you know that I have been through hell and back. I haven't even told you about the half of it. I have never written about my adoption before. Mostly about my weight loss. Let me tell you, I had to move mountains before I had made the decision to be strong and change my life around. I hope through my journey you will find strength like I have found it in places that I needed. Just do your best. 

Love,
Jen

                   October 2012                                                     August 2014

Pop of Blue Eyes with the Sigma Paris Palette

Who doesn't love a new look to try with your makeup with the seasons change? I love to try new things but get caught up in my day to day routine and end up in a bit of a makeup rut. I love trying colors that aren't common but if done right can be beautifully simple. Below is my version of a springy time look on my beautiful friend Denise.

Pop of Blue Eyes with the Sigma Paris Palette

I love feedback. Don't be afraid to Thumbs Up, subscribe and comment.

Love you all,

Jen

My Current Fitness Progress/Motivation

Fourteen months into my weightloss journey and I have less than 20 pounds until my goal weight. I can see the muscle start to gain definition in my shoulders, arms, stomach and thighs. It is a taste of success that I can't get enough of. 

I have felt so uncomfortable with my body for so long. I can't remember what if feels like to not worry about how you look in every setting. The stress, the voice in my head mocking everything I did has shut up. I can be such a jerk to myself. 

So much wasted time. Wasted energy. Wasted opportunities. I will NOT let my body hold me back any longer. I am strong. I am determined. I want to live. Every morning I want to seize the day like it is my last. Love my family with all my heart. And face the challenges each day holds head on. 

Current weight: 173

Goal weight: 155

I have 17 pounds left to my goal weight but I am beginning to realize the number doesn't matter. The woman in the mirror matters. I don't want to be skinny. I want to be strong, defined and healthy. Eight years to figure out what healthy is. How to feel normal and live a good life.

I'm not perfect. I still see a fat girl in the mirror on my bad days. I still wonder about my pouch and my jiggliness in social situations. I still give myself a hard time when I put something in my body I how isn't good for me. But as long as I'm mostly healthy I can make a few mistakes. 

I am human but I never knew what living was like. Now I feel like I can chase my dreams. It took my son to show me who I am and my husband to support me along the way. I am on lucky lady. 

Have a wonderful day,

Jennifer

Slow Cooker Hearty Beef Stew

Austin, Ethan and I have been sick for a week. Not too fun so with the changing weather we have here in Utah I needed to make something hearty but easy. My usual go to dinner is something I would order from takeout when I'm not feeling well but for our Sunday dinner yesterday I am trying to be better about cooking at home. It is healthier for my family and our wallet. Plus plus I would dare say.

I wanted to make something that I could throw in the slow cooker, had mostly clean ingredients, soothing for my aching throat and had lots of nutrition. I found this recipe from thenakedkitchen.com and gave it a try. There have been some beef stew recipes that I wasn't too happy with but this one I LOVED!!!

Who says you can't have stew in the springtime? It's still a little chilly in the evening and it's so good. I need food to help warm me up until it's 80 degrees outside. Until it's blasting hot outside I will still eat warm foods. Best thing is this stew is 2 cups for a serving and ONLY 210 calories. If you're watching your waistline this is a meal that will fill you up, leave you satisfied and won't make you feel guilty.

Slow Cooker Hearty Beef Stew

Enjoy friends,
Jennifer

Clean Eating Crock Pot Lasagna

Meal planning.

It is a big stress reliever and when I have that done it takes the guess work out of my day. Nutrition is a big part of what makes the time go smoothly for me. I focus on fueling my body. Eating every few hours- never go past 3-4 hours- and getting my water in have literally saved me. I don't know about anyone else but I am a beast when I'm hungry or low on blood sugar or haven't fueled my body properly. Then I eat like a big burly man. Haha Austin has seen me take down amounts of food he can't so it's best to keep up on my food.

One of the things I love is my crock pot. It helps calm things down around dinner time because I know there isn't much I need to do before we sit down to eat. Also when you're meal planning it's nice to have a day devoted to this wonderful appliance. Another thing I love is lasagna. So I found a clean eating recipe for this wonderful pasta dish. 

Clean Eating Crock Pot Lasagna

CoachChantelle uses ground beef but I switched mine out for ground turkey and it was delicious. It was wonderful. There are few things I will do differently next time I make it. I would do more noodle layers. There just was a lot of sauce and more noodles would have helped soak it up. I would also do more mozzarella cheese. 

That's it. These days everyone is busy and has a hectic schedule. This dish is so worth trying. All it takes is 10 minutes prep time and 4 hours later you will be enjoying a delicious meal. 

I love feedback so please comment below on what your favorite dish is or suggest something for me to try to modify to clean eating. 

Thanks for reading,

Jennifer

Wrap up and Easy Lunch

Quick, easy and healthy lunch. I make sure the tortilla I use is whole wheat and the deli meat I use is high quality like Boar's Head with no nasty additives. 

You will need:

1 whole wheat tortilla

1 slice cheese (your choice)

2 slices turkey

1 slice ham (optional)

Handful of greens (I love baby spring mix)

Drizzle of Olive oil (optional: if you don't want your wrap to be dry)

Layer in order listed, roll up and enjoy. 

This will fill you up and help you recover after a workout or fuel your body before a workout. It's light, low in fat, and you can customize it how ever you want. If you don't want any meat use sliced veggies. If you prefer no cheese or dressing just leave it out. You can even fill your wrap with cooked chicken or fish. Possibilities are endless. 

Love,

Jennifer

Another Meal Plan

So I was talking with a friend and thought it would be a great idea to post my meal plans. This is what I use to plan my food for the day, exercise and any extra things I have going on. This is the best way for me to have all that I need in one place.

Works for me.

I have a lot of food that is excess from the previous week so I just carry that over and try to work it in so it doesn't go to waste. This week I happen to have a lot of produce from last week and some staples like rice, bread and meats. Along with this meal plan I will list my grocery list so you can see what I typically buy. There are always things on the list that aren't normally there (diapers, batteries, lightbulbs) but I try to only buy what I need.

I also try to bake something totally bad but so good for Austin so he has something to munch on while he's working away. This week I'm making Skinny Double Chocolate Chip Muffins from Sallys Baking Addiction (I already have all the ingredients from the last time I made them) and Soft M&M Chocolate Chip Cookies from Averie Cooks (I only need M&m's). Both recipes I got from amazing ladies who posted to their blogs. I highly recommend them!

	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday
Breakfast	Whole Wheat Waffle, Peanut Butter, Strawberries	Loaded Oatmeal	2 scrambled eggs	Whole Wheat Waffles, Peanut Butter, Strawberries	Loaded Oatmeal	2 Scrambled Eggs	Whole Wheat Waffle, Peanut Butter, Strawberries
Snack	Pineapple and Mango Smoothie	Apple slices w/Peanut Butter	Whole Wheat Bread w/peanut butter and; banana slices	Whole Wheat Bread, Cream Cheese, Cucumber slices	Apple w/peanut butter	Cucumber and Carrot Slices and Low fat Ranch	Greek yogurt and granola
Lunch	Sandwiches and fruit	Loaded Baked Red Potato	Greens topped with Hard Boiled Eggs and Veggies	2 Scrambled Eggs, Salsa, Asparagus and Black Beans	Turkey, Ham and cheese wrap	Loaded Baked Potato	Greens topped with Hard Boiled Eggs and Veggies
Snack	Apple slices w/peanut butter	Pineapple and Mango Smoothie	Carrot slices w/Laughing Cow Cheese	Popcorn	Carrot and Cucumber slices	Cottage Cheese and Strawberries	Bread w/peanut butter and banana slices
Dinner	Salmon, brown rice, greens with veges	Salmon, Brown Rice, Asparagus	Tuna Casserole and greens	Chicken Pot Pie, Asparagus, Salad	Baked Cod with Roasted Sweet Potato	Pizza Run	Clean Baked Ziti
Plans	Grocery Shopping	Movie Night	Family Time	Church		Pizza Run
Activity	Yoga	Swimming	Weights	Rest		Pizza Run	Hip Hop
Cleaning			Pick up house, Laundry		Whole House and Organize

Costco:
Diapers $40
Apple Juice $9
Whole Wheat Pancake Mix $5
Eggs $7
Milk (whole and 1%) $9
Butter $7
Asparagus $5
Strawberries $5
Estimated Spending: $87

Harmon's or Smith's:
Frozen peas $1
Red Potatoes $5
Mushrooms $3
Organic Springs Mix $4
M&M's $4
Estimated Spending: $17

Fill up my sweet ride: $70

Total Estimate Spending: $174

I usually grocery shop like this every two weeks and on the off weeks it will just be a few produce items so maybe $40. This is great if you're trying to budget shop too. Healthy for you and your bank account!

You can use my same format, change it to suite your needs or do something different. I will try to make this downloadable in the future. Enjoy!

Thanks for reading. 

I love feedback. Don't be afraid to comment. 

Love,

Jennifer

Proof is in the Pudding

You don't need a fancy diet to lose weight.

You don't need a crazy workout routine to lose weight. 

Just be active, make healthy food choices and KEEP GOING!!! 

I am PROOF that you can do the impossible. I am PROOF that small changes make a BIG difference. I am PROOD that ANYONE can do it. 

No matter what you have to work with you can do it. 

October 21, 2012

242 lbs 

(Lost 20 right away after having Ethan)

Wearing extra large pants, shirts and very uncomfortable

March 17, 2014

176 lbs

 (Prepregnancy weight- but more muscle- pre pregnancy clothes fit looser)

Just had to buy new pants because mine were too big (best reason to buy new clothes) wearing size 10 comfortably and shirts in medium/large

I move my butt. I push myself. I have 100% control of my body and what goes in it. Eat foods that are real and do something great for you. Stay away from foods that don't do anything for you. They are robbing you of a life. Drink water. Stay away from sugary drinks. 

Take it ONE step at a time. When you got that down, add another. 

Be happy with who you are right now. Your body deserves your kindness. Only you can do good things for it. 

My progress is and always has been slow. That is because I only do what I can handle but I am determined to keep it up for the rest of my life. It is an investment. 

My current numbers improve but I know I'm doing it the most beneficial way for my body. No crash diets. No cutting calories. No extreme things going into my body. 

Proof is in the pudding ladies (and gents). 

"The Struggle"

Let's be honest people.

I SUCK AT BEING HEALTHY!!!!

I have this thing about doing well, watching what I eat, working out regularly and keeping it up until I plateau. I have hit a plateau for the last six months. Is this normal? I loose quite a bit of weight then it just stops and I have no idea why?

Maybe someone who knows more about the body than I do can help me out on this but since I have had a harder time losing weight my nutrition hasn't been very nutritious. I kill myself working out, eat mostly healthy and clean but then Cafe Rio here and stonecutter there and I'm back to where I was 2 months ago.

I think it's just human nature to be satisfied with the bare minimum or it's just my personality to sit back and be comfortable. Well newsflash Jen nothing great EVER happens in the comfort zone. So I'm going to educate myself even further on what is good for my body.

This past week I have been doing Insanity workouts and incorporating fresh fruits and veges back into my daily routine to jump start me. I am not focusing solely on weight loss now but building muscle and that is one step closer to my goal.

I am fired up. I am motivated. I have made up my mind.

Let's do this!!

What have you all been doing to be healthy?

Plan Those Meals!

Just like your money has a budget (or should) your food should have a plan. I feel better when I have things mapped out for me. Takes the guess work out of day and I have one less thing to worry about. Spending a little time once a week I knock out my meal plan AND my grocery list. How's that for multi tasking?

Over the years I went from going to the grocery store, picking out what looked good- mostly junk food- and taking it home to sit and go to waste because we didn't have real food and would end up going out anyway. So much waste.

Now the process has evolved. This is an example of what I do. Well this is the exact meal plan I set up for this week. I plan my meals every week on this template. I usually grocery shop on Wednesdays so this tells me what I need to get. It's very easy for me to see what we have planned for that day. Anything that would affect meals. Then I check what we already have and then shop for the rest. This is the amazing part. Produce usually costs less than processed food and so as a nice bonus my grocery bill has DROPPED since I have been eating clean. Shopping each week lets me keep fresh fruits and vege's in my fridge so it doesn't go to waste and I can get the good stuff and not break my budget.

As you can see I take easy shortcuts here and there. My breakfasts are just different meals that I switch every other day. Lunches are a few meals and repeated. Snacks and other meals use repeated ingredients. I try to make it as easy on myself as I can. I get lots of freedom with dinners. That is what I spend the most time on. I search the internet; mainly Pinterest for clean eating dinner ideas. There are a few I do every week like tacos and turkey burgers so I end up only having to come up with 3-4 for the week. Leftovers are great because Austin can take them for lunch to work. I try to only buy what we need. It has helped me learn to appreciate the food we have and not let it go to waste.

This has taken me years to figure out. I hope it helps you. I absolutely love feedback so comment if you loved this idea, what you do to help your family and any suggestions you have for future posts. Thanks all.

Much Love,

Jennifer

Note: My phone is my best friend for EVERYTHING!! Grocery shopping especially :) I use the app AnyList to help cut my grocery shopping trip down. This helps with a busy toddler. It categorizes what you need so you don't end up zig zagging through different ends of the store and wasting time. I've talked a lot about waste this post only because I had a big problem with it. Haha enjoy!

Start the Day Off Right

Since the beginning of the year I have been making an effort to eat cleaner and fresher. Last year I focused on making my workouts habit and part of life but this year I'm ready to take on my nutrition. Breakfasts are pretty easy for me because I mostly make the same thing but I like to mix it up here and there. 

My usual breakfast:

2 scrambled eggs and piece of fruit or greek yogurt. 

Variations on eggs- sprinkle of shredded cheddar, salsa drizzle

Since I have been looking into foods that are better for my body I like to switch it up. I have been trying 1 serving cottage cheese or oatmeal with the following toppings:

1 sliced banana

2 tablespoons natural peanut butter

2-3 tablespoons local honey

sprinkle of cinnamon

Eggs are really good for you but on days where I eat my loaded cottage cheese or oatmeal (I like oatmeal better) I can tell my body has more energy. It doesn't take long for me to feel it. I got this idea from Jen Senecal who was a guest on one of the blogs at lunchpailsandlipstick.com. I love how she makes it simple. The link I thought was the most helpful is listed below:

Jen Senecal Clean Eating Expert

My biggest tip is to make small changes here and there. Don't get overwhelmed all at once because you won't be able to keep it up. Start with one meal. Breakfast is easy because it sets the mood for the rest of the day. Make it mean something for your body. You are breaking your fast so give it something good. 

Much love,

Jennifer

My Story Pt. 1

I love eating out. There is something about going to a restaurant, ordering food and having it delivered to me that screams "Special Occasion!!" and I love that.

Growing up I was taught to cook for myself. Fast food or even restaurant visits were a privilege and wasn't something my family did very much. So when Austin and I met we would go out all the time. I was young and never had to worry about what I ate because let's face it when you're young and skinny nothing really mattered so who cares?

As time went by I got used to eating huge portions of greasy, rich, fried foods and gallons of soda. I would buy Pepsi by the case and go through it so fast my stock wouldn't last more than a few days. I didn't know about calories or fat content. I thought pizza was healthy because it technically had foods from all sections of the food pyramid. I gained quite a bit a weight after I got married. Thought it was happy fat and I didn't worry too much. But I started to feel self conscience, depressed and unhappy.

I thought how I felt was normal. Nope. It's not.

My unhealthy eating habits went on until I got pregnant. Then I went from crappy diet choices to really bad diet choices. My weight had steadily been rising and now it was skyrocketing. I would totally justify it.

"The baby needs it", "I'm so hungry! Ya give me a whole Cafe Rio Salad and a chocolate cake!", "It'll come off when I nurse", "Do I want heartburn? No I'll eat two breakfast burritos", "I deserve and extra large combo with all the extras", "I might as well I'm already chubby".

Well I didn't know it would happen but I got sick. Preeclampsia. I had a painful and difficult delivery and even worse recovery. I went on anti depressants for a few days and that was my rock bottom. I felt too heavy to take care of my baby. When Austin went back to work I used my weight as a crutch to feel sorry for myself. Plain and simple I did that to myself and I had to take responsibility. At that time I was living off caffeine and eating lots of junk. Did it make me happy? No.

So I changed. In January 2013 I started working out at home. Did half hour of something (P90X or Youtube) every few days. Only what I could handle. I stopped drinking soda and drowned my stomach in water. I made small tweaks to the food I ate. Whole wheat instead of white. Fresh fruit instead of chips. Reminded myself my stomach is only as big as my fist and watched my portions.

Slowly I could feel the depression disappear. I started to need that high. The sweat and the rush after. That was the beginning.

Clean Eating Overall Challenge- My Thoughts

Clean eating can be interpreted many different ways. To my understanding it is eating foods that are nutritionally valuable to your body meaning they haven't been processed or modified. Your body will benefit from consuming said foods. Keeping that in mind and knowing my personality I decided after the first week to not be super strict. I would never stick to it.

Instead I used the recipes and snack ideas as a guideline and added a few things or took away what I didn't want to eat. You want to enjoy what you put in your body and if you hate eating salads then don't eat salads. There are plenty of other foods that are great for you that don't involve lettuce.

All in all it helped me break through a plateau I had been battling for six weeks. I feel less bloated, more energized and healthier.

For me what ever I eat affects me. I can tell if it's slowing me down or if it's giving me energy. I'm not perfect and I am not super strict. I eat out but I educate myself of what I put in my mouth. You have 100% control over what goes in your body. That was part of getting my act together. Realizing I am responsible for myself. No one else. So if you need a little kick start to awesome nutrition then I highly recommend clean eating.

Note: if if seems overwhelming- I know how you feel- start with one meal. Figure out how to make that clean. Ask yourself the following- is it processed, what can it do for my body, is it going to help me reach my goal?

Have a fabulous weekend everyone!

Clean Eating Update

I have been on this 21 Day Clean Eating Challenge for 8 days. I have to be real honest here.

I cheated. And I am ashamed.

A year ago when I started changing my life I found I am much more likely to stick to something if I took it slowly and only did what I knew I could keep up forever. The good news is I didn't cheat excessively. So in the name of accountability I will confess...

Wendy's- completely made me sick.

Cheesecake Factory- I made sure to keep my portions in check.

Chinese food- the food was not that great and I was so mad I ate crappy food that is bad for me. If I am going to splurge I want it to taste good. Dang it.

Various treats- Superbowl is to blame here.

Every meal and snack besides that in the past 8 days has been clean. I can really feel how different foods affect me. Bad foods make me feel sick, sluggish and bloaty. Good foods make my head feel clear, I have energy and I feel better about myself. I am happier.

After eating bad food I could feel my mood turn and I don't like it. That is what living is for. Learning what is good for you and what is bad so going day to day you can make changes to be happy. I will take the things I learn from this challenge through my whole life. I didn't know fresh steamed broccoli was so delicious. Who knew?

Happiness is something that you find on your journey. Not the destination.

Your happiness comes first. Learn to love yourself even though our society makes image more important than what's inside a persons heart. That's not true. I sound like I am preaching here but as I write this I am more talking to myself. So don't mind me as you read the ramblings in my head. Haha have a wonderful Monday everyone!

Clean Eating Challenge Day 1

8:33pm- I WANT CHOCOLATE!!!! AND PIZZA! Everything I have eaten today has been clean and very good for me but I'm relaxing and catching up on my shows and all I want is to indulge! 

This is so bad. My brain tried to convince me that I have been good enough and now I deserve something as a reward. A chocolate reward. I read somewhere if I am craving chocolate I need protein so maybe I will have to find me something. 

My dinner was garlic vege's and they were so filling but when I eat healthier foods it seems like I get hungry faster. Hopefully the next 20 days will be easier for me. 

Night everyone! 

21 Day Clean Eating Challenge

My friend let me into her 21 Day Clean Eating Challenge and it starts tomorrow. I am really nervous that I will screw it all up with some hidden chocolate in my house but I am so excited to have something to push me in the right direction with my nutrition. It has taken me so long to understand what my body actually needs daily was not what I was feeding it. I thought "Hey, pizza and hamburgers have all the food groups so it's healthy, right?"

NO FRIGGIN' WAY!!!!!!!

After a year of no Pepsi I think it's time to take my body to the next level. I feel so much better without all that sugar clouding my mind and body but I am ready to become lean. Not just lose weight here and there but actually becoming the most fit and healthy I have ever been. 

I have gotten my meal plan ready for the next 7 days so posting my beginning stats before.

Weight: 184

Waist: 33"

Hips: 42"

Chest: 37"

Left Arm: 12 1/2"

Right Arm: 12 1/2"

Left Thigh: 24"

Right Thigh: 25"

Everyone is always self conscience about their before photo but this is for reference back to- no judging.

Checking In

Hey all,

Just checking in to let you know that I have sinned. Against good food eating principles. And I am not ashamed. It is something I will be better at because let's face it I can't take this sluggish, ornery, gross and bloated feeling I get after eating crap food. Cuz it makes you... you know.

The 3 pounds I lost last week have almost completely come back after all my hard work and discipline. The point of this post is to admit I am human. I let my old habits come back and my problem is I don't prepare enough. I always run late, let things go that I should be on top of and when it's crunch time I don't make the extra effort it takes to really make sure I am taking great care of myself.

I don't EVER want to put on this show that I am perfect or that I know what I am doing. I don't. I have started a journey with baby steps and I will share what has worked for me. I have been struggling the past few months with maintaining my portion sizes. I haven't cut out sugar (not the chocolate) or fried food or work out everyday. It's something that I am always working on.

This helps me be accountable. I know there isn't much of you out there that care what I go through but putting this out there and if there is one person who feels a connection with what I do and who I am then I LOVE it! It helps me to know I can help people when I am also learning to love myself through the physical and very emotional struggle of doing what's best for me.

I am a big advocate of doing what makes you happy and friend if I can come as far as I have with out giving up then SO CAN YOU!!!!


Just felt like I needed to post this. Please I love feedback so let me know if you like what I am doing.

New Year = New Motivation (Fitness)

I don't like New Years Resolutions. I don't like the idea of making a change just because of the time of year. Knowing myself I would never stick to anything. Now having said that January is my favorite time of year for fresh starts. That sits so much better with me.

A fresh start.

Ah so refreshing.

One year ago this month I had it. I was sick of feeling huge and gross and self conscience and tired and unattractive and chunky and just sick of feeling sick. Few months after Ethan's delivery (which was SO HARD- I still have to write about that one) and I was still in my mommy depression fog. I was leaning on my crutch (Pepsi and lots of sugar) more than I wanted and I just wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out.

Ethan is the best thing to have EVER happen to me and also the hardest thing to ever happen to me. Nobody tells you how difficult it is after you have a baby for the first time. I'm not sure how it is after that because I only have my little angel.

Anyway nothing was helping me feel better except working out. I would do a few YouTube videos and half a P90X workout a few times a week. After my strength got better I could do more in a workout. At the beginning of last year I stopped drinking soda all together. Switched my white bread for wheat. Ate turkey instead of beef. Made sure I got a lot of water in and eventually I felt better.

I am where I am right not because of that. I haven't done anything crazy healthy yet but that is what brings me to now. I got comfortable. I stopped making improvements and my weight loss flat lined. You can't stop. It is a lifestyle change not a diet that lasts 2 weeks or 30 days. You need to keep doing what you can to be healthy.

After our move I joined the rec center. It has been almost 3 weeks and I go 5 days a week and I am getting educated about what is good for my body. What can it do? What can I accomplish? My goal for January was to go work out 5 days a week and I am feeling so so great now.

The new year isn't a time for me to make resolutions because those fail. I am making a fresh start and finding new motivation to keep going. To be even better this year than last year. This year I will be in the best shape of my life because I know I can.

Mommy Fabulous Make Up

Smokey Neutral and Light HAC

This is the perfect easy neutral, smokey, everyday makeup I used all the time. I still feel put together without going overboard. Perfect to pair with soft and natural hair. 

Products used: 

Liquid Foundation- Makeup Forever HD color 127

Set with- Bare Minerals Original powder in Fairly Medium 

Eye Shadow Base by StillGlamorus Cosmetics 

Shape and fill in brows with NYX dark brown duo

Eye shadow as follows-

Highlight and inner corners in Mischeivious by StillGlamorus Cosmetics

Naked3 palette Darkside on outer corner of eye blend in 2/3 way towards inner corner and Buzz to blend the two together

Victoria Secret bronzed to countour and blush to give a little color and StillGlamorus Misheivious to highlight ontop of blush, between eyebrows blend upwards, down center of nose, on top of upper lip and on chin in middle very lightly

Light coat of Clinique lipgloss on lips and top with Flower Cosmetics nude lipstick